It's mostly supposed to mean "grow toward (and in the mean-time, fake being) the person you'd be most excited to be if all social knock-on effects were disregarded." Likely, this is a version of yourself improved along all the axes that will most enhance the sense of natural, intuitive engagement you feel when doing the things you love.
It can also be phrased more directly as: "don't grow toward (or fake being) a version of yourself that you imagine will benefit you socially, if that hypothetical person does not also feel more engaged with, and excited about, being alive."
(Or, in short: if you really love [fun activity] and hate [boring activity], don't pretend to love [boring activity] or hate [fun activity] just to impress someone. Because you'll still love [fun activity] and hate [boring activity], but now you'll be forced to deal with [boring activity] all day while carefully avoiding [fun activity].)
...
That being said, this advice is nearly meaningless to children or teenagers, because it really can't mean anything until you 1. know what engages you, and 2. have enough life experience to build an intuition for what sort of things you might grow to love.
It's sort of the same as the advice "write what you know": it only means something when you actually know (i.e. have lived through) at least one thing worth writing down.
> It's mostly supposed to mean "grow toward (and in the mean-time, fake being) the person you'd be most excited to be if all social knock-on effects were disregarded."
This is basically why I hate "be yourself". It's a tip most often given to people who are socially awkward or insecure, but the intended message is subtle and not present in the actual statement. It's advice that's least clear to the people who need it most.
It's kind of fascinating to watch these conversations unfold, because you can see in real time what hoops people have had to jump through to make the phrase have value when it clearly, on its face, doesn't carry that value.
It's one of those phrases that people eventually understand to mean something useful, but where that meaning isn't communicated by the phrase itself. People continue to propagate it because it's the "handle" they have for that idea, and they think that because they now have a meaning associated with it, that will make the words magically communicate said meaning to the person they're speaking to.
It can also be phrased more directly as: "don't grow toward (or fake being) a version of yourself that you imagine will benefit you socially, if that hypothetical person does not also feel more engaged with, and excited about, being alive."
(Or, in short: if you really love [fun activity] and hate [boring activity], don't pretend to love [boring activity] or hate [fun activity] just to impress someone. Because you'll still love [fun activity] and hate [boring activity], but now you'll be forced to deal with [boring activity] all day while carefully avoiding [fun activity].)
...
That being said, this advice is nearly meaningless to children or teenagers, because it really can't mean anything until you 1. know what engages you, and 2. have enough life experience to build an intuition for what sort of things you might grow to love.
It's sort of the same as the advice "write what you know": it only means something when you actually know (i.e. have lived through) at least one thing worth writing down.