Why would I ever want to contribute to this roiling cesspit of a society? Why would I ever be happy working to increase the share value of some faceless company? What value does the human species have when life is mostly pain? Why would I care to try in a world full of selfish ignorant entitled morons? While I work to be an honest decent human being others around me lie and cheat and have so little self awareness that it's like competing with a swarm of locusts. I cannot fathom how decent, intelligent people ever have motivation in this place. Let alone for something as utterly unproductive as programming for a corporate.
And these ludicrous notions of needing to provide because you are male and that's your job. Get lost. So the world wants me to perform in a certain way because I was born into it and will judge me harshly if I don't. Take a hike world. But my mind exists in a cage of hardwired pleasure responses and no matter which way you twist and turn you cannot escape the pain of not confirming to them. Get lost world you are too cruel and too stupid to be worth my effort and as a side note, I will not be dictated to by some mindless watchmaker.
Well, the society isn't just cheating locusts. It's also people like you. And like me.
Find your people, and you'll see a world worth contributing to.
I subscribe to the view that the notion of a dream job — as opposed to a dream vocation — was created by those you call mindless watchmakers.
That said, they are not necessarily mutually exclusive. There's a lot of middle ground. Is there place for you there? Not all work is corporate work, after all.
And if not, what would your vocation be?
Is there something you'd see yourself doing if the constraints of the world were not a concern?
If you struggle to answer this, the only thing I can recommend is taking a break from the rat race to heal and find your bearings. Therapy is something that helped me in this process, as therapists are like Stack Overflow for human problems (and, like with SO, it's quite rare to have a problem that nobody has already experienced and found a solution for).
Professional coaches are another resource that can help avoid stepping on the same rake again. It sounds like corporate isn't a good environment for you, and if you are still trying to find what is one, they can help to home in on the next step that would feel fulfilling (and, hopefully, provide income you can live on).
Best of luck, and if you feel isolated, reach out; you can find my info in the profile. Things really don't have to be this way.
I might be off in my comprehension, but I sense a tone of disappointment or cynicism.
In broad terms, taking humanity's current state as a starting point, what would the nearest (aesthetically? existentially?) acceptable point in the human-cultural phase space look like for you?
No intent to antagonize, but I am curious since I have passed through similar worldviews here and there.
And these ludicrous notions of needing to provide because you are male and that's your job. Get lost. So the world wants me to perform in a certain way because I was born into it and will judge me harshly if I don't. Take a hike world. But my mind exists in a cage of hardwired pleasure responses and no matter which way you twist and turn you cannot escape the pain of not confirming to them. Get lost world you are too cruel and too stupid to be worth my effort and as a side note, I will not be dictated to by some mindless watchmaker.